write

i didn't write.
i didn't write one thing in 2019.
some facebook posts.
some encouraging texts.
a lot of one word answers.
but i didn't write.

i walked around in a gray cloud most of the year.

march
a storm came that i wasn't prepared for.
i held crying kids in the hallway.
my teammate
my friend
we cried
in the classroom floor.
in the library.
we shattered

may
my best friend's dad
my first basketball coach
my $5 for a charge encourager
grief

june
a church leader
owen's sunday school teacher
we went to visit him a few weeks before he lost his fight and he prayed for us.
he told owen and i how proud he was of us.
loss

august
my mom's best friend
the maker of all addie's bows
my fellow christmas lover
music encourager for children
a smile and a hug every time
sadness

august
granaw
my comforter on earth
my go to for advice, food, money - all the things
my best memory maker
i held crying kids
i wasn't ready
i'm still not ready
deep deep sorrow

the fog of grief is consuming
and every time i moved towards the light
the fog consumed

but God

He is good
He is preparing a way
He is increasing my cloud of witnesses
He is.

write.
keep moving toward the light.

Thankful Thursday 2018 {week 4}

76.  Spending time with family
77.  Medical professionals who help with surgeries
78.  Kleenex
79.  Church family who packs shoe boxes and backpacks
80.  Hanging out with Owen and Ty
81.  Real conversations
82. The lessons learned by losing even if it hurts
83. Christmas shopping
84. Trips to Goodwill
85.  2 day student weeks!
86.  Practices that show improvement 
87.  Making acorns with Addie
88.  Local grocery stores
89.  Students who ask to read instead of play games
90.  High Fives
91.  my sister in law, Jessica, for being my best mom friend
92.  the irony of the colonist words in 1605 
"We greatly commend and graciously accept their desires for the furtherance of so noble a work, which may, be the providence of Almighty God, hereafter tend to the glory of His Divine Majesty, in propagating of Christian religion to such people as yet live in darkness and miserable ignorance of the true knowledge and worship of God and may in time bring the infidels and savages living in those parts to human civility and a settled, quiet government."
93.  the generous and kind spirit of the the natives
94.  Owen's first basketball game for the school
95.  2 hour delays
96. fall barbecues
97.  warm cozy bed
98. Owen's music 

99. sticky floors and hand prints
100. the power of gratitude 
"Give Thanks to the Lord for He is Good, His faithful love endures FOREVER!!" Psalm 107:1

Addie's Thankful's

1. Mommy
2. Daddy
3. Owen
4. Food - Mac and Cheese, Vanilla Wafers
5. Nature
6. Sun
7. Toys
8. Dancing
9. Ocean
10. Sky
11. Hills
12. Art
13. Poinsettias
14. School
15. Emojis
16. Birds
17. Church
18. Jesus
19. Friends
20. God
21. Playing
22. Helping 
23. Cooking
24. Mawmaw & PawPaw
25. Granaw & Grandaddy
26.  Hugs and Kisses xoxoxo
27.  Water
28.  Clothes
29.  Beads
30.  Paint

Thankful Thursday 2018 {week 3}

51. pumpkin pie milkshakes delivered by your brother
52. musicians who are humble
53. families who adopt from far away places and right down the road
54. listening ears
55. the love of family
56. Addie's love of art
57. celebrations with loved ones
58. dinner dates with friends
59. Christmas plans
60. honesty
61. the beauty of cursive writing
62. leftovers
63. days off
64. the excitement of a drumset
65.  purging toys
66.  the love of stuffed animals
67.  spice cake latte from dirty joe's
68.  people who are easy to work with
69.  seeing one of our favorite bands 3 times this year
70.  all the brave men and women who have served our country
71.  warm blankets
72.  my wonderful husband
73.  a day at home
74.  salvation!
75. notes from students

Thankful Thursday 2018 {week 2}

26.  kids playing concentration and thinking its the greatest thing ever
27.  sons who tell you jokes
28. laughing with friends, who are co-workers
29. former students doing amazing things
30. Sunday school
31. FairTrade box
32. basketball girls
33. Flatt Lonesome

34. hanging out with my kids
35. cooler weather
36. the right to vote
37. family traditions
38. the power of words - Thank you, I love you, I'm sorry
39. Saturday mornings at home
40. Hezekiah's story in Isaiah
41. Church Homecoming 
42. new glasses
43. sweet student smiles
44.  Christmas music!!
45. hearing stories of recommitting to Christ 
46. running water
47. my brother for being my best friend
48. hugs
49.  KIMBERLY 
50. my job

Thankful Thursday 2018 {week 1}

So much to be thankful for this year!  

Let us not forget that attitude of gratitude.

1. everyday is a fresh start. a brand new unblemished day to try again.
2. students bringing in food for flood cabinets out of their own cabinets
3. a sweet special girl named Tori
4. Addie's imagination

5. Owen's performances over the last few months.  I'm so proud of the musician he is becoming!
6.  our quiet country house
7.  children singing at church
8.  teacher friends to laugh, cry, and complain with
9. fast food workers who having been feeding my family lately
10. spontaneous trips to new places
11. washing machines that work
12. preachers
13. halloween decorations coming down
14. 270 children receiving smiles, candy, and love last night at trunk or treat
15.  hugs from former students
16.  new friendships
17. celebrating birthdays with old friends
18. good books
19. good coffee
20. 54 days till Christmas
21. good discussions with students
22. Amazon prime
23. my parents 
24. Fridays!
25. these promising words from Revelations 

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

how about this is my 8th year!

looking back at year 1

summer

the thought that we only get 18 summers with our children is a haunting one
my kids haven't been swimming all summer and its July
what kind of parent am I that they haven't been swimming any
so easy to scroll though facebook and compare
people swimming and climbing waterfalls and laying on the beach
all their fun adventures pale to this life we have

right?

maybe not?

maybe this summer will be remembered for the fun things we have done
because my children haven't complained one time about the things we have not
they haven't asked to go swimming
they haven't said gosh this summer sucks
they have woke up everyday and been excited for what the day may hold

why do we as adults so quickly compare

let me take a lesson from my children and be thankful for each day and each moment
let me love the mundane and moments
let me be present

our summer has been filled with laughter and music and relaxation as any good summer should be

the ripples of loss

to the mom and dad who lost their son
   i don't know the why and some things we aren't meant to know on this side
to the brother and sister who lost a brother
   remember all the laughter, sunshine, and fun
to the grandparents who lost a grandson
   help us be strong and hold on
to the friends
   be there for each other and never forget the memories
to the classmates
   stick together and smile to those who can't and cry with those who are
to the teachers
   be courageous and tenacious for your work isn't done
to the community
   let us remember that we are all facing battles, some are on the news and some are not
   we should be kind and patient and a little bit more understanding

but most of all let all of us remember the ripples we make
for i didn't know this young man
but the loss of his presence on earth has been felt in my soul
i have cried for the mom and dad and siblings and grandparents and friends and teachers
let us not forget the impact each of us has on the world
we are significant
we matter
this boy mattered
we make ripples and waves of good or bad
and let us not forget this sweet soul who has forever impacted us with a gift of love and community
may we continue to rally around one another in prayer and unrequited, gracious love

 

5 more minutes: Pa edition

January 6 was my grandpa's birthday, and on January 6 this year my son had a basketball tournament, my daughter had practice, I worked the gate at the tournament, and the day was filled from 7:00am to 9:00pm.  But I still remembered it was his birthday.  He was an amazing man and what I would give to be able to celebrate one more birthday with him.  I often hear Scotty McCreary's song 5 more minutes and think what if I had five more minutes.  But really it wouldn't be enough, maybe a whole day would be but I'm not sure.

 

So to celebrate my grandpa's birthday this year I thought about how I would spend a whole day with him.

We'd get up early and head to the cafe and have gravy biscuits and say hey to all the neighbors and he'd pay for somebody else's table when he paid.  Then we'd head out and check the cows and ride through the farms.  We'd probably stop and check on a widow or two and sit on their front porch or even in their living room.  We'd ride up the rode to his brother's and sit in the truck while uncle Bob told us all about things going on.  Then we'd ride by his sister Marie and check on her.  He might have to ride to the bank or have an eye doctor visit.  All the while, he's teaching about how things used to be and how to save money and how to drive.  We'd then head home where we'd sit in the wood shed and he'd burn the trash and I'd drive a nail in the same block of wood I do every time.  I would give anything to have one more day of just riding around listening to my Pawpaw. 

Cherish every day. 

2017 in review

17 for 2017

1.  We visited new places.  Favorite - Pennsylvania - Hershey <3 font="">

2.  We ate a lot of ice cream.

3.  We listened to music!  Our house gained a piano.  

Favorite songs include:

Thunder - Imagine Dragons

Flatt Lonesome - Silence in these Walls - whole album

4.  I read a lot of books and drank a lot of coffee! New coffee shop opened in town. Dirty Joe's lattes and chai tea are a highlight of the year.

5.  Addie turned 6 and Owen turned 12.  Time slow down!

6.  Matthew opened a shop and has had a busy first year at Combs Welding LLC.

7.  We got a new puppy, Diesel and a new fish, Fireball.

8.  We celebrated every holiday and some made up ones!

9.  Owen worked with his dad, played the bass and mandolin, football and basketball, and loved every second of it.  

10.  Addie is an excellent reader and loves Math.

11.  Owen started middle school and survived till Christmas, only breaking a few hearts.

12.  Addie started another year of ballet and began Jazz.

13.  We grew closer as a family.

14.  We spent time with our church family.

15.  We spent as much time as we could with our grandmas and grandpas and cousins.

16.  We laughed.

17.  We loved.  

Thanks for all the memories 2017.

We look forward to 2018.