it started with a feeling, an unknown sense i never knew
it was confirmed in an infirmary with the question "what are you going to do"
it was affirmed on the stairs with empty promises and "your going to to be a great mom"
it lead to three months silence and bigger clothes and endless tears
it turned to a he that kicked me
he came on an icy, painful december night
he came with a terrified mother who's heart was heartbroken but everything about him healed her
my mom drove us home from the hospital
i cried all the way
i remember rocking him in the recliner late in the night wondering how we would make it
i remember sitting in the wic office embarrassed, ashamed
i remember saying "no there's just me, no husband"
i never had a companion to share my worries
no one ever called to ask about him
but he smiled, he laughed, he grew
he never questioned
he was loved
he taught me to pray and to pray without ceasing
he is my blessing
he brought me to me knees so that He could heal me
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17
speechless, except for this: I thought you were the very most brave person I had ever known and I never even knew you were very scared. To me, you were a hero! And then, many years after, I can't tell you how many nights I was up with Harper (alone, while B slept) and the only thing that got me through was thinking, "Karrie actually did this BY HERSELF. What am I complaining about?! How did she do it?!" You're amazing!
ReplyDeletebeautiful story...God's redeeming Love...oh for the gift of life...to choose life...thank you...
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you...
oh i have done this.
ReplyDeleteI have been there.
How amazing that God chose the very best person to be raised by you...that is some serious trust.
T
this made me cry, friend. what a gift, these children that teach us to pray... xo
ReplyDeletethis is beautiful!!!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! And I have been in that exact place...my baby girl lead me to God and 13 years later, she kicks my butt out of bed every Sunday to make sure we get to church on time :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Courtney, after I had Emma I realized what a courageous mama you are! While you may look at Owen as your blessing, no doubt, you are his greatest blessing as well. Love you. :)
ReplyDelete